Circumstance vs. Thoughts

Circumstance: a fact or condition connected with an event or action.

Why does it matter to understand the definition of this word? Because it can relieve us from a whole lot of mental suffering.

One of the most important mental tools we can learn is to separate the facts from the story we are telling ourselves.  This is contrary to the way most of us will naturally want to react to a problem in our lives. We tend to think our problems are from the world, from what someone said or did, from what happened to us. We often believe our stories so deeply that we think they’re facts when they’re not.

So the first step is to extract the facts from our story about the problem. The challenge is that we all think its one and the same, we think our stories are true. However, its our interpretation of what happened and THAT is what causes us pain. Your brain is doing exactly what its supposed to do, keep you safe and avoid danger. Don’t shame it, just get curious.

Now, please don’t misinterpret me. I am not saying that you are wrong or that your pain is not valid but if you are experiencing unwanted emotions around said problem then I invite you to consider there may be another way…

Try retelling the story about whatever is bothering you but stating ONLY the facts. Remember:

Facts are provable

Anything you have no control over (other people’s behavior)

Anything in the past

Nothing subjective

It’s neutral, as in no opinion or judgment.

Once you have separated the facts from the story, try giving yourself a few minutes to consider any other possible ways to view the situation. Go ahead and write those down (before judging whether they are reasonable, right, etc).

Now that you have distinguished the difference between a circumstance and the story you are telling yourself about it…the question becomes “Do I want to keep thinking about it like this?”

I just want to offer that you DO have a choice in how you interpret or think about what is troubling you. When we believe that life just happens to us then we are the victim of circumstance but that is a pretty helpless place to be. From this perspective, our mental and emotional well-being is dependent on external things…and that’s a recipe for disaster in relationships.

What do you think? Share your thoughts below!

XXX

alyssa